It’s 2022… How Am I Still here?

When God calls people to missions there tends to be an urgency that comes with the timing of things. We get in the mindset of “God has called me, I need to go now.” There is the personal desire to get there as soon as possible, and even the possible guilt. There is guilt if you don’t get to the field soon enough. At least there has been for me. I have been telling people that God called me to Eswatini for years. Literally, years, so how in the world am I still here?

The first time I went to Eswatini I was 18, just out of high school. I fell in love with the country; it was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. I knew at that point, Eswaitini was going to be a part of my life. I just didn’t know to what extent. In 2016 I went back for two months and knew; I knew God was calling me to live there full time. When I was back home in the states after this second trip, I deeply longed to be back where I had just been. I wrestled with God. Why were there so many things tying me to the states when all I wanted was to be somewhere else? He didn’t answer me quickly. This wrestling went on for years, but finally at one point it started to make sense. 

Through all of this time God was working. He was changing who I was. He changed the outlook I had when it came to everything. Looking back, I would not change that time for the world. He has opened so many doors and has given me so many opportunities that I would have missed if I left home when I wanted to. I have built relationships, I have learned more about ministry, I have grown spiritually, but most of all I have learned to trust in the timing of God.

Over and over, day after day He has shown me His faithfulness in my life. Where I thought things were empty or useless, He showed off, and those things became pillars in my story. I think I can speak for most of us when I say that we have a tendency as humans to think our timing is what we need to set our clocks to. Wow, we could not be more wrong! Time and again God has shown me why His timing is perfect, and slowly I have begun trusting in that. Believe me, it did not happen overnight. Like all things, it was a process, a process that I am still learning about six years later. I cannot even begin to describe to you the relief that I began to feel when I started letting go of my timeline and giving it up to the real Time Keeper. 

Do I still want to jump on a plane tonight and fly across the world? Yes! Do I want to start doing ministry with those who I have been called to do it with tomorrow? Yes! Is there a reason I am still here? Yes! Can I do ministry here while I wait? Yes! As much as I long to be in Eswatini, I know there is purpose in me being here right now. So, until I go, I will continue to fundraise and continue soaking up every learning experience I can. 

My prayer for you is that you will see the value in the time of waiting. That is my prayer for myself right now too. It should be our prayer always. God is never taking a break. He is always working! I heard someone say once, “What if we acted like the place we are in right now is where God called us to be?” I know that the things I am doing right now are things God has called me to do, so for now, as I wait for God’s timing to leave for Eswatini, I will choose by faith, to live my life like I am where I am supposed to be.