It’s official! I’m counting down single digit days! The flight is booked, and on July 31 I’m officially off to South Africa. Even though it was to be expected, I cannot wrap my head around how fast these two months of being at home have gone by. Nevertheless, I am so grateful to have seen almost all of my family while I’ve been back! In the middle of June, my family made sweet memories up on a mountain city not too far from home. No matter how chaotic it can get to have 17+ people all in under one roof my heart was definitely filled to the rim to just sit back, laugh, and enjoy being together again.
This Summer’s Emotional, Spiritual, and Mental Update.
As you already know I got back home June 1st from leading a 9 month Gap Year. The truth is that from the moment I said goodbye to all 37 of the gap year racers there’s been some lows and highs. Transitioning back to America after being gone for so long didn’t get much easier like I thought it would. It’s not necessarily hard to adjust to your home amenities, or the luxury of food selections you get to pick from in 5 different grocery stores located all on the same block. It’s the vast differences in the way our world thrives that takes time to adjust to. It’s the fast paced “walk-faster-or-get-out-of-the-way” feeling you get once you enter American borders. It’s the no eye-contact from anyone because everyone’s just trying to get to one place to the next. It’s the way that I forget of all the distractions I have easy access to when things in my heart or mind become too weighty to deal with.
The thought of coming home and knowing I only had about 2 months to enjoy my family was not easy on my heart. Neither was missing the presence of all 37 people I grew to love so deeply. My mind felt exhausted and overwhelmed by all the things I needed to do logistically and financially to make the move to South Africa.
I was in a vulnerable state where the enemy took advantage by throwing doubt, fear, and worry about the path God paved before me. All these things piled up within me, and no matter how aware I am of my non-spiritual coping mechanisms I fell captive to them from time to time. Social media being the biggest one. I love a good meme or comedic parody reel that can make me laugh my troubles away. It’s silly I know, but it’s true. Social media is definitely fun for seeing glimpses of your friend’s and family’s lives, and a very useful platform to reach an audience for something you’re passionate about. Unfortunately for me it’s all of those great things combined with using it as a distraction to not deal with how heavy and overwhelmed my mind and heart can feel. It feels much better to shove it all under the rug of laughter, but I also get sucked into the enemy’s game of comparison. That comparison usually turns to anxiety about how well and timely paced my life is going. It’s quite a vicious cycle and although I have grown in so much freedom from that, my humanity sometimes gets the best of me. Thank God that He so freely offers a way out for me every time (1 Cor. 10:13).
It took me a minute to feel repentant over the subtle ways I was trying to cope with it all instead of solely going to Jesus’s feet. The combination of reading God’s Word everyday while also checking my social network, just to get lured in for a time much longer than just 2 minutes, wasn’t cutting it. I needed to give Him my full focus in a time that I needed His help the most. I needed Him to lead me on the rock that is much higher than I (Ps 61:2). I needed only His voice speaking to me, and not the voices that came along from a simple glance at a squared picture from someone else’s life.
I’m thankful to say that I’m doing much better now. Some emotions are still sorting themselves out with time, but God has replaced the spirit of doubt, fear, and anxiety with a sound mind. Because of this, although I’m going to extremely miss my family, I can actually have room to be excited about what He’s planning in South Africa. Please continue to pray for me! I’ve said this before, but nothing means more to me than someone thinking of me and lifting my name up to the Lord.
My financial goal up until the end of December is $5,500. Right now I have $4,600 left to raise. This financial goal will help me cover the costs of food, water, international transportation costs, and everyday living necessities. If by any chance the Lord is putting it in your heart to partner with me and support me as I move, please click on the donate button above!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read the past and upcoming newsletters! The time I put into this isn’t quite what I favor doing, but it helps me open my heart to vulnerability. By sharing, I hope I’ve given you ways you can pray for me and support me in whatever manner the Lord intends for you to do. If you have more questions concerning my mission to Zithulele please feel free to contact me by email or my WhatsApp below! Thank you all for your prayers, donations, and thoughts as I continue on into the next season the Lord has prepared for me!
Whatsapp: +1(909) 224-1708